|
Back to Newport Page
2001 Weekend Wrapups
Schroll Down, Weekend are in chronoloical order
Weekend of Aug 3-5
Friday 8/3
The Andy Kramer wedding wielded significant impact on NewP attendence as many
made the trip to Philly instead of Rhode Island's favorite island. Only Miller,
Gomes, and the invisible Pat McKillop made it to Pokie Poke for Friday's quick
nine, and the crowd increased only slightly back at the ranch: Only Woods and
the three golfers made it to OB's for the traditional pre-Those Guys speed
quarters game. (Woods was a dead-eye, deftly destroying his duffer partners, but
disabling himself from the Friday DMA -- drunkest man award.)
Those Guys rocked The Boat, and more of the gang (Ramko, Senger, Elyse, Steve
Leahy) showed up to rock out to Johnny and the boys. Woodsie organized one of
the best Fountain St. afterhours parties yet this year, and with the late
arrival of Tom Stallings, buffoonery ruled until the wee hours of the
morning.
Saturday, 8/4 --
Controversy ruled the day on Saturday, starting with the hunt for breakfast
sustenance. After trying Annie's (long line), Newport Creamery (no breakfast
after 11am), Franklin Spa (long line), the grumpy and disgruntled gang settled
on Poor Richards on Thames St. (See review to follow.)
Post breakfast, Pat, Woodsie, Stallings, late entrant MacDaddy, and supporter
Paula embarked on an all-day drinkfest/Golden Tee tournament. In an
uncharacteristic display, MacDaddy actually WON something. The
MacDaddy/Stallings duo defeated Pat & Woodsie and won an entire night of
free booze at the Those Guys show at The Garden. Trouble brewed when Pat went
AWOL, failing to pick up any of the drink bill and instead winning numerous
votes for Weak Award.
Further controversy entailed with the disappearance of Gomes and Miller. Done
in by Woodsie's quarters routine the night before, both players spent the
afternoon in bed on the injured reserve! , then opted for a low-key night with
former IDC buddies at the Pelham. The "Where's Miller" saga continued
when surprise players Beavis and Baker built a proverbial "straw man"
in the dungeon during late night, telling various Fountain St. guests that
Miller was passed out below deck. Miller's whereabouts were the talk of the
town, with housemates and guests alike speculating that he was everywhere from
Newport Hospital to Sully's favorite hangout: the "Pepper Patch."
(Instead, he was at afterhours with friends from IDC.)
One downside to Miller's absence: An adventuresome Tom Stallings invaded and
conquered the dungeon on Saturday night, leaving Miller relegated to the couch.
Sunday, 8/5 --
Newport burn-out is starting to take hold. Most residents were retreating
toward Beantown before noon. Only three men made the stop at Pokie Poke on the
way home.
Analysts expect a lull in Newport activity next weekend with most of the gang
headed to Camp Tommy on the Cape.
Weekend Awards
- DMA -- Woodsie (for no other reason than he must've won it by
default).
- Rookie of the Week -- Beavis (for dragging his brother out of his
cousin's wedding in Pittsfield?!? and heading down to NewP to catch the
Those Guys show)
- Weak of the Week -- By popular demand, Pat McKillop, for dodging
his debt to society. (Honorable mention: Sully, for picking some EXTREMELY
large peppers...)
Weekend of July 13-15
Friday Evening at OBs and the Boat
As is standard fare, the gang migrated to The Boat for a rousing set of
alternative rock from Newport's best cover band, Those Guys. En route to
The Boat, the gang was side tracked by a few quick pick-up speed
quarters games at OB's. Jeff Baker donned a dungaree jacket of a ten
year old all night and Miller was a house of fire as he discovered that
he would have a roommate for the "entire" weekend...Time to
pay up Senger.
It is definitely mid-summer in Newport, as all the quarters
players have stepped up their game. The bottom line in speed quarters
now: If you miss the cup more than twice in a row, you're probably gonna
find yourself chugging beer.
Once at The Boat, it was a return to abnormalcy. Sully and Johnny had a
heart-rendering reconciliation after Sully's outbreak of kleptomania two
weeks ago. Jeff Baker modeled the finest in women's denim after losing a
bet with our favorite downstairs bartender. Some people housed.
Ledeen Joins Band as Roadie
Josh Ledeen, in an act of public service (probably to make up for an
unpublicized transagression of the law) stayed late at The Boat to help
the band load up their instruments and help the bouncers take out the
trash.
Eyebrow Shaved?...Or Not?
Back at 11 Fountain, Ledeen's behavior was somewhat less righteous. He
convinced a drunken Randal that he shaved off his eyebrows; a feat
Randal believes Josh
actually performed even to this day. Randal could learn a thing or two
from Kevin Spacey: "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was
convincing the world he didn't exist." Randal probably also could
benefit from installing some mirrors in his house. All
3rd-party reports indicate Randal's eyebrows are alive and well.
Sketchy Saturday
Saturday started a little late but would prove to be one of the more
fulfilling outing of the 2001 Newport season (no thanks to Randal who
was picking peppers).The first stop was the ABC at 1p, for some fun in
the sun.Bloody Mary's, Frozen Mudslides and whatever else was in arms
reach plus lunch. Credit card roulette was played (Thanks Tom!)
Next Woodsie, Stallings, Miller, and Doc Baker set off on a
vague and sketchy roadtrip to Bridgewater Mass. The express goal was to
retrieve Woodsie's license, which he misplaced at Scotland Links on
Friday afternoon. The implicit goal was to drink a few bevvies and see
what ludicrous ways they could entertain themselves while pulling
Woodsie's forgetful ass from the fire.
A stop at the Jurassic Minigolf and Driving Range Center in Taunton
was the first effort, where Stallings proved he has no concept of the
rules of the "Funny Leave Game." A stop at Ames in Middletown
was the second effort, where the boys picked up some supplies for
Saturday evening and Woodsie introduced Miller to a fabulous invention
known as Easy Cheese -- in its own handy spray cannister. Eighteen
Miller high life's, Six Bud Lights and Six Hard Raspberry ice teas later
we were back at the house donning out Togas for the nights
festivities.
Toga, Toga, Toga
Back at the house, the stage was being set for one of the biggest nights in
Newport: the Jackass Toga Party. Miller, Baker, Beavis, Stallings, Woodsie,
Gomes, and Sully took to the streets in their sheets and laurel wreaths. Big
props to Sully, who Toga'd despite having been convinced by Chris Poirier that
Togas were for babies and real men wear Armani. Before hitting the Garden, the
gang hung on a friend of Poriers boat at Christies.
Big props also to Steve, from Those Guys. He intervened when the door staff at
The Garden refused to allow anyone in Toga enter the premises. Let me take this
moment to say that The Garden is definitely second-rate when it comes to Newport
drinking
establishments. If it weren't for Those Guys, I would never set foot in the
place. The beers are over priced, the bartenders aren't cute, the doormen have
no sense of humor, and it would have been better if the whole damn building
burned down...
The Toga buffonery continued after last call, as the drunken and disporderly
Romans became fullydisoriented and wandered to various remote corners of Newport
alone, dazed, and confused. After a series of misadventures involving random
SUVs, idolizing frat boys, and Nikolas pizza, the remnants of the gang
reconvened at the Thames St. house for afterhours, where everyone basically
crashed (except for one of
the Thames Street girls, who claims the only place in Newport she can get a good
night's sleep is in the Fountain Street Dungeon).
Sunday was a more relaxing Newport day, with great beach weather and a decent
meal at Cafe Zelda's. Read about it in the review.
Weekend Awards --
- Drunk of the Week: No clear-cut winner. Good bids byWoodsie and
Beavis.
- Rookie of the Week: Again, no clear winner. Ledeen made strong bid
by folling the master trickster, Randal, into thinking his eyebrows were
gone; however, he
ruined his bid by leaving early on Saturday. Beavis made a strong bid by
prepping Togas and partying hard at afterhours, but he ruined his bid by
complaining about Togas and having to be brainwashed into putting one on.
- Weak of the Weak: Far and away by unanimous vote, Covy... for
skipping Newport to go to Block Island (eeewww) and, GET THIS, getting
engaged! Well Newporters it appears that there is another one of our die
hard weekenders has fallen the way of the ultimate pepper picker. Yes, Jeff
Coveney and his Gal Pal Rachel Cahners decided to tie the knot after Cuffy
worked it out in some spreadsheet that involved everything from drive time
to phone charges and concluded that it would be more beneficial to the two
of them to wed than to continue to just date.
Our heartfelt love and support goes out to Rachel Cahners, who will become
the first all-time permanent resident of "Covyland." We've all
visited Covyland temporarily, on trips to get coffee, a newspaper, or on other
simple, seemingly innocent excursions... but Rachel will be in Covyland
permanently! May God have mercy on her soul...
Weekends of June 29-July 1 and July 6-8
June 30th Weekend
 After
Friday's trip down memory lane (The Landing) was marred by organizational
shortfalls (half the gang ended up at the Boat watching Those Guys), Bill and
the boys headed to the posh Richmond Country Club for a Saturday of golf and
gambling. The big winner had to be Woodsie; he didn't make much money, but he
launched an unstoppable bid for drunkest man in Newport--a dream he fulfilled by
being barred from the Voice Promotion's party on Saturday night. In a desparate
attempt to regain his public standing and be allowed into the event, Woodsie
tried to rationalize with the doorman, but the bouncer's terse analysis said it
all:
"Dude, you're wearing a chicken on your head."
Notable thoughts from Bill's big day:
1) Did anyone see Eric Lichtencheesenbaconburger? A man fitting his description
was rumored to be on the golf course, but afterward no such person was ever
found.
2) Will Ledeen EVER cut his hair?
3) OddBalls may really be better suited for bowling than "other"
activities.
As the bachelor party revelers returned to civilization on Sunday, Newport found
its newest, biggest fan. In what was supposed to be a 6-hour golf visit plus
dinner on Sunday afternoon, NU grad Mark Gomes became entranced by Aquidneck's
charms. His afternoon visit turned into an 8-day vacation as he accompanied
Miller and Stallings on the week-long adventures. Not only did Gomes fail to
notify his employer of a planned hiatus, he didn't even pack clothing --
sparking an uptick in the Newport retailmarket.
Fourth of July week in NewP was the best of both worlds. Early week showed few
crowds and a laid back atmosphere, but by Wednesday things were in full swing.
Rain put a damper on the fireworks outside, but not at the Pelham or the Blues
Cafe. It didn't keep favorite son Brian Sullivan from picking bushel after
bushel of peppers either.
July 6-8 Weekend
 By
Friday, most of the rest of the gang returned to NewP, somewhat disoriented
because Those Guys were completing a leg of their Rhode Island State Tour (check
for T shirts at their next show, if Sullivan hasn't stolen them). Instead of the
Boat, the gang hit Christies, then Sabina Cheese Doyles for late nite Liar's
Poker. Scott "OP" Wilkerson paid a visit, but no one could find him
due to his all-black ensemble. Other guests included Dave Diana and John Ramko,
who made the rookie mistake of challenging Randal to a
drink-off. Fortunately the Fountain Street medicine chest DOES have nail polish
remover.
Suprise showing of the weekend: MacDaddy, who is yet to make a weak list this
summer. (Worst to first, MacDaddy.)
Sat nite was great as OBs was the call. Appears OBs doesn't appreciate paper
towel tossing, which got Cov an escort out of the bar.
Awards:
Rookie of the week -- Paula Ramko, for shopping, cooking, and bringing
her brother as a human sacrifice for Randal's amusement.
Weak of the Week -- Tie: Woodsie for his no-show; Sully for pepper
picking.
Drunk of the week: Weekend #1 -- Woodsie; Weekend #2
-- John Ramko (with a major assist from Randal "The Kid" Kemptorthy)
Weekend of June 22-24
 This
could be called The Great Baker Weekend. Read the recap below to
see why Colonie's finest was "En Fuego" for three days.
Friday, 6/22
Big night at The Boat, as Johnnie celebrated his 30th BDay with the gang.
Unfortunately, Miller was absent and not available to give his patented
"Birthday Monologue," but most of the gang was there to celebrate in
style and give our favorite front man the recognition he deserves. Who was
the big winner in this equation? Jeff Baker, who was treated to a free
bottle of schnapps by the benevolent Captian of The Boat, thus cutting his
Friday drinking expenses by two-thirds.
MacDaddy made a rare NewP appearance, and Those Guys pulled another late
nite at Fountain St.
Saturday, 6/23 Day - Barbacue Time & Golf
Great day overall for the Fountain Street gang (and our Thames St. friends).
Baker and Randal started off by shooting two of the best scores ever recorded at
Pokie Poke (44 and 42, respectively, for 9 holes). Randal had the lowest score,
but Baker avoided paying
heavy skins penalties. Woodsy and Covy were the big losers picking up only 1 win
between them...and nots let forget a 4 putt by both on the last hole to share
the Snake.
Meanwhile, Jenn Senger, Paula Ramko, and Beavis decorated the Fountain
St. cottage for the good foot doctor's 32nd BDay party. He dined on chicken
wings, garlic potatoes, steak tips, and corn bread -- all down-home favorites
for the whitest man in Chill Town.
Saturday, 6/23 Nite - The Boat Dockside
Saturday night was the first meeting of the Newport Adventurer's Club. The
gang explored a new, sketchy, scary, drinking venue called The Boat-Dockside.
This bar is dubiously named, as there is no sight nor sign of a "Dock"
anywhere. There are no open windows, and the only thing even remotely genuine
about the place is the smell, which is a direct import from The Boat -- its
progenitor.
That didn't stop the gang from making an impact, as Dr. Baker housed to
techno in a pair of Superman underoos. He was later seen leaving with Thames
Street's version of Lois Lane. Randal,Woodsie, and Cuffy battled for
Drunkest Man in Newport. The Thames Street girls promised a fantastic late night
party, but everyone became too inebriated to attend (except for Woodsie and
Beavis -- but one of the two was asked to leave due to a party foul involving
misappropriation of teeth in the general vicinity of one of the host's
derriers...)
Bonehead Move of the Weekend
Big "You Suck" to Randal, who thought he was Manny Rameriz by using
a bat to hit his way through various belongings in the Fountain St. cottage. He
is now the leading suspect in the Great Fountain Street Flooded Basement
Mystery. By the way, the basement -- also known as Miller's Dungeon -- is back
to full working order and open to the public.
Sunday, 6/24 --
Lazy rainy morning for the gang, which had brunch at Firehouse Pizza. Sketchy
early departure for Sully led many to speculate he had a
"pepper-picking" engagement
in Boston.
Miller, Stallings, Dr. Baker, Beavis, and sketchy Sunday guest Mark
Gomes hit Pokie Poke for 18 holes as a "fivesome". Miller's
seasonal golf gambling losses now total $118. Dr. Baker didn't lose money, so it
was a big win for him. The gang then met up with Paula Ramko, Jenn Senger, and
Hillary for dinner at Scales on Thames Street.
The remaining Newport faithful then watched cable TV until 10:30 and headed
back to Boston on a very late flight.
This coming Saturday begins the 4th of July week, so put your games faces on!!
Miller's Restaurant Review & Retribution (A
New Section brought to you from Rick Miller)
This week, Miller tells you how much Scales and Ben and Jerry's sucks. Read
the reviews.
Weekend of June 15-17
Well, this past week included a sparse showing of the usual
Newport house attendees due to weddings and other various reasons. Those
in attendance hit the Boat hard Friday night after warming up with some
speed quarters at the house. The shots were flying
from beginning to end and the trip home was once again "hazy".
Although, we will need to get "The Deens" a house key and make
sure he keeps it with him.
Bonehead Rookie Move
Apparently Josh left the Boat a little early Friday night (probably asked
to leave) and when he returned home found that he could not gain access without
a key. Well, after kicking, screaming and cursing at the back door for an
undetermined amount of time was joined by Newports finest (approx 10 of them).
After they entered the house by using the key Deeno had (front door) they went
through "The Deens" bags to prove that he was in fact a resident and
that he was who he said he was.
Mental Note: Let's please be curtious to our neighbors and avoid
situations like this at the house.
Sat Events
Saturday, the group was divided both during the day when Paula, Dawn, Steve
and Beavis were able to rally to the beach and booze at the ABC. Woods,
Deeno and
Jim were all casualties from Friday night and fell victim to the comfy cushions
of the living room couches only to rally back hard Saturday evening. There was a
cook-out Saturday evening and we ate a ton.
Paula and crew went to Christies to find a 45min wait and a $20 cover,
pulled rip to "The Deck". Woods and crew went to "The Deck"
saw line and ended up at "The Pier" which is COMPLETELY different than
years past as they have turned it into an older more laid back
bar...but there were lots of people, no cover, a band and the drinks were stiff
so we stayed.
Weekend of June 8-10
 Beatuiful
weather was the catalyst for an AMAZING NewP weekend. A skeleton crew
made the stop at Pokie-Poke to shoot a quick 18 Friday afternoon, and Miller's
gambling losses continue to mount for the summer. Stallings is
looking for a hot man on the links -- er, uh, I mean Stallings is
hot on the links, winning everything in sight this weekend.
The gang met at the house Friday night to regroup and prepare for the
Those Guys show at The Boat. Big props to Brian Sullivan -- who,
in an uncharacteristic act of ambition -- tidied up the basement and
startegically placed fans to dry up the remaining water from last
weekend's "Hose Debacle." (The culprit of the hose debacle
remains at large...)
Those Guys rocked The Boat, as usual and "Housing" was
rampant.
Saturday was a fantastic day on Aquidneck. The battle for Drunkest Man
in Newport began at a furious pace, with Woodsie, Sully, and
"The Deen" tossing down Mudslides like the coast of Southern
California. It took nearly 24 hours into his summer, but The Deen was
ejected from his first bar in NewP when, at 4:45pm "Joe" at
the ABC uttered those fateful words, "OK, you gotta GO..."
Saturday night the gang made a rare appearance at Christies to watch the
second Those Guys show of the weekend. Thanks to Brian Sullivan, who got
everyone on the guest list then never showed up for the concert. Also,
thanks to the Thames Street Girls, who danced around and looked hot all
night, thus making our group seem cooler.
As is the norm, the after-hours party was at 11 Fountain, where Woodsie
finally took the crown as Drunkest Man in Newport... out-lasting Ledeen
with a strategic "boot & rally" in the downstairs bathroom
sink.
On Sunday, most of the (tired) gang went back to the ABC for the final
installment of the Those Guys triple header.. This reporter thinks we
should start getting a cut of the door, we spend so much time with this
band.
Stallings, Miller, vague guest Gomes, and Pat headed to Pokie-Poke for
an unprecedented 27 holes of golf. Miller's gambling losses for the
summer are now at an even $100 -- two weeks into the season...
Construction on the Tiverton Bridge on Rte. 24 made for a slow ride
home. Beware when planning your commute...
Awards:
Rookie of the week -- Brian Baker (for his background
checks in the great hose debacle)
Weak of the week -- Brian Baker (for hitting Woodsie's
car in the driveway)
Drunkest Man in Newport -- Woodsie (no explanation needed)
Other Info
Baker
Sells Drum Set - Joins Newpy House as a Full Timer
Gotta
love this attitude. To fund his summer in Newpy, Brian Baker sold one of
his most prized possessions....his drum set he's had since he was 15 years
old. "I can now fully focus my attention on Newpy plus I can always
live out my dream as the top air guitarist," says Baker. This act
brings back memories of someone who did exactly the opposite a few years
back. Remember when Bill Rugg passed on a Newport share to purchase a $700
armoire? We miss this man.
Watch
Out Sopranos - The Newpy Mafia
Here's
the deal. Full shares in the Newpy house are now untouchable when is comes
to sleeping. That means they can not be written on or can receive any
other acts of sleeping terrorism. They've earned the right to pass out in
peace. Partial Shares receive associate status and receive partial
protection from markings. Vague guests do not have any protection at
all. Expect these types of rules to grow as the season progresses.
Weekend of June 1st
 It
was the first REAL weekend for the NewP team after the Memorial Day
Weekend away game on Nantucket.
In the Pokie-Poke season opener on Friday afternoon, Miller
plays double-bill golf match, first with Sully then again with Randal
in an effort toquench his golf craze. Highlight: Sully shoots
a horrendous 63 on the short, easy course.
Friday evening was the gang's first Friday evening on The Boat. Those
Guys played a fantastic show, and front man Johnny made several
shout-outs to Sully and Woodsie in gratis for their appearance
Sunday of Memorial Day. Fortunately, neither Sully nor Woodsie heard
these accolades, as Woodsie was well on his way to winning "Weakest
Man" award (see below) in a horrendous dsiplay of absenteeism, and
Sully was busy wasting his time losing Golden Tee at OB's.
Saturday afternoon provided a well-needed session of "Bowl for
Booze" as the Newport Rollers racked up impressive scores on the
lanes.. most in the three-digit range.
Satruday night, the fun continued, as Randal led a rousing game of
quarters... during which, contestants were not allowed to say each
other's names, the word "drink," or any type of pronoun
whatsoever. Typical communication was largely unaffected. The party
moved on to old haunt The Landing, where Jeff Coveney made a bid
for World's Drunkest Man. He was challenged strongly by Woodise, who --
no, wait; Woodsie wasn't there... he said he was on his way but...
The evening culminated with a flash flood in the "Genius
Suite" -- otherwise known as Miller's sketchy basement room. As of
press time, standing water was 4-inches deep in the Newport House
basement, with no solution to the problem in sight.
Sunday was recovery day, with return-trip golf at Pokie-poke on the
way back to Boston.
Weekend winner for NewP value-add: Paula Ramko, for cooking a
fine meal for the gang Friday night, then cleaning entire house (except
flooded basement) on Sunday.
"Weak"end winner for biggest NewP loser: Woodsie, for
no-showing Friday night, then claiming to show on Saturday but never
arriving.
|
