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Miller's Newport Restaurant Review & Retribution Guide A bizarre look in the freaky reviewing mind of Rick Miller Last Update July 31, 2001

Pronto (on Thames St.) (July 31, 2001)

I dunno how long Pronto has been around. I don't remember seeing it last summer, but I'm too lazy to call the manager and find out if it really is a new addition to the Thames St. eatery set (or if I just missed it in my alcoholic fugue). Whatever its age, Pronto deserves to be mentioned with Newport's most venerable dining establishments.

Gomes and two of the Ramko clan accompanied me to Pronto on Friday night for some pre-drink fortification. It posed a strong challenge to Dave's on Thames for "best meal of the summer" honors. The wait staff consisted of a pair of hotties (one with a delightful brogue), and the ambiance was inviting.

I selected the Lupe de Mer (which means Wolf of the Sea, for you ichthyo-challenged) and was treated to a light, flakey, white fish served in a subtle wine sauce over fennel. My companions had lamb tenderloin and grilled shrimp & pasta. All were superb.

Pronto is definitely a strong date place. Upstairs we were treated to a 90-minute mix of low-key acid jazz/trance tunes and candlelight dining. We had a full view of Thames from our window -- great for provoking conversation and perhaps catching someone you know doing something they didn't want you to see.

Pronto earns a "rave."

Daves on Thames (July 31, 2001)

If you're looking for an upscale meal for a fair deal, I highly recommend Dave's on Thames. The prominently promoted "2-for" specials may sound like blue-plate specials at the K-Mart commissary, but in actuality you get some damn good grub -- and plenty of it.

Four members of the gang ate at Dave's on Monday night of 4th of July week. For under $200, we had two bottles of wine, assorted other drinks, shrimp cocktail (with pretty good sized shrimp), a fantastic mozzarella & tomato salad, several bowls of very competitive clam chowder, a caesar salad, a solid chicken marsala (though not as good as you'd find in the North End), and some lobster & seafood medleys that were, by all accounts, top-notch.

The service was fantastic -- much better than at that glorified clam shack Scales right down the road. You won't be dying to take home the wait staff, but they're cute enough and peppy enough to keep you entertained and they're about asbuffoon-friendly as a restaurant can be. Also, unlike Scales, Dave's is credit-card friendly.

As a date place, Dave's looks pretty good. (Our group was all guys, so judging Dave's date potential may be a bit of a stretch here... but I plan to give it a shot.) I don't like the fact that the tables sit pretty close to the bar, where jackasses can leer at your date -- but the lighting is good, the menu items are pronouncable, and the ambience is dignified but fun. Sadly, Dave's greatest innovation, the "2-for" menu, might be its biggest downfall as a date place:

Not many guys have the chutzpah to order off the value meal menu when trying to impress. All in all, Dave's earns a "rave" not a "rant" from this critic.

Cafe Zelda (July 15, 2001)

"Everything's fantastic but the food," is how one of the gang described eating at Cafe Zelda, the fourth stop on our tour of Lower Thames St. eateries this summer. I would have to concur.

Zelda's is a great place for a lazy Sunday lunch or a mid-week date with a lady friend (or gentleman caller). It's a clean, well-lighted place resonating with early 20th century atmosphere. Katie, the hostess and sometimes bartender, is a total babe -- and as a Newport native she can give you the low-down on whatever it is you need to know about eating and drinking out around Aquidneck. (She's got a boyfriend though, so don't get any ideas.)

The service is fantastic -- fast, friendly, and quick-witted -- and the timing is perfect. You don't feel like you're waiting around all day to get some grub, but you definitely don't feel rushed to turn the table. Which leaves us to the food itself...

It's not that the food at Cafe Zelda was bad. It definitely wasn't -- but compared to the great eats we had at Pronto and Dave's on Thames, Zelda's comes up short. (However, it beats the snot out of that glorified soup kitchen across the street called Scales & Shells.) The gorgonzola and sourdough appetizer can definitely hold its own with any app in NewP, but the mozzarella salad was no match for Pronto and the clam chowder couldn't touch Dave's on Thames. The entree (everyone tried the grilled cod over risotto) was a little bland... and although it didn't taste bad, it just left us wanting something more. Dinner for two -- including multiple apps, wine, entree and tip -- will set you back $70, which is a fair price for what you get.

All-in-all, if you're looking to impress that special someone or just trying to kill some time on a Sunday afternoon, Cafe Zelda isn't a bad option; it's just not your best option. And if you want to try a Thursday through Saturday night, call ahead (401-849-4002). It's a small joint and can fill up quickly.

Scales (June 24, 2001)

According to Miller, Scales sucks. Do not eat there. They do not have menus (you have to read from a chalk board); they do not accept credit cards (no roulette); the service sucks, and the food is not great. And the waitresses are ugly and have annoying Woonsocket accents.

Ben & Jerry's  (June 24, 2001)

While I'm at it, the Thames Street Ben & Jerry's sucks too. Sunday night, I ordered a brownie hot fudge sundae and was given hot caramel instead. When I informed the clerk of the error, she still insisted on charging me full price ($5.01), and when I offered her a penny to avoid getting 99 cents in change, she told me "No. I have to give you coins."