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Newport 2000 WrapUp Weekends Listed Chronologically (Scroll down)
Aug 18-20 Wrap Up
"NOT SO" SUPERHERO WRAPUP
"NOT SO" Super Hero party steals the show in Newport with
fantastic costumes by all. Love when we find an excuse to dress up as the group raised
$160 for an orphan boy in Lynn, MA.
Highlights include Thor, Surly Twinkie, Xena Warrior Princess, Obvious Man, Candy Man, Funnel Man, and Lightfooted Crossing Guard.
Big props to Tom Stallings, who opens up bar tab for all super heroes at
The Garden.
Late night turns ugly as group of wayward super heroes gets split up,
losing safety in numbers. Newport citizens ridicule light footed Crossing Guard, who is
defended by Funnel Man and Doctor Sholes. Surly Twinkie is left alone to wander home
among drunk throngs, who repeatedly try and punch holes to get at creamy filling.
WEAK AWARD UPDATE
Poirier 2
points
Falaguerra 1 point
With the title on the line for World's Weakest man, a surprise entrant
creeps in to steal the weakend title: Poirier. Promises to meet us at The Boat on Firday
night -- fails. Promises to be at Super Hero Party
Saturday -- fails. Second place weakness = Rob for his Falmouth Road Race
excuse.
Point of contention... someone must examine the scoring system for
"weak" points. Rumor says Robb was only 2 points behind MacDaddy going into
final weekend, but I wanna know if the scoring was consistent all summer. By my count,
MacDaddy only didn't win the weak award twice: on Robb's silly golf school weekend and
one weekend real early in the summer when Covy won it. That means MacDaddy should have
received 2 points for every weekend aside from those two aforementioned. Let's face it,
the weak race just should not be that close coming down to the wire.
MacDaddy was BY FAR the weakest of the weak, if not the weakest of all
time. Let's have a recount to make sure.
WHO BOUGHT THE PIZZA?
GoEagles Rules were in full effect on Friday night with discrepancies over
who was responsible for buying pizza. To this reporter's knowledge, Stallings and GoEagles guy
never did resolve that issue.
PSSSSSSSSSS......A NEW TYPE OF SOUND MACHINE
Nothing like white noise to sooth someone into sleep. Wait a second,
sounds more like a crashing wave, thinks MacDaddy. Wrong on both accounts as Martha's
friend slept walked into MacDaddy's room and slept pee'd on the floor (is that even a
term?). Glad we purchased those extra paper towels.
GO FOR IT
Game of choice Friday night was "Go For It." Big winners were
Sully, Cov and Woodsie. Big losers were Miller and Marty. Marty got extremely surly
after a very close loss that he attempted to dispute. Physically
assaulted Miller then set off on a verbal tirade against all other Go For
It players.
THE GOLFING LOSERS
More Stallings/GoEagles guy surliness in dispute over tee times at golf course.
Stallings goes with Group Two and spends 7 hours on the course with Surly Miller, who
spends more time throwing clubs, playing with
squirrels, and swearing than actually golfing. Stallings also shares
Snake title with Miller and splits $75 penalty at 19th hole.
COPS THE SUPERHERO EDITION
Newport police stop and threaten light footed Crossing Guard for episode
of "Cops." A transcript of the scene read as follows:
Light footed Crossing Guard (speaking to several cars stopped at stop
sign on Spring St.): Okay citizens, move along now. Move along. Passing Police Officer:
Take off that safety vest.
Stop directing traffic before you kill someone. And what the hell is
wrong with your shorts?
Light footed Crossing Guard: I am a skilled Crossing Guard! Fear not.
JUST WHEN YOU THOUGT IT WAS SAFE TO SLEEP
Late night ends with Xena bringing home random, sketchy Irish guys
beguiled into believing they would get late night smooch. Instead they have a date with
Super Baby, who uses his powers of crayoning to paint the face of one Irishman after he
passes out.
FUNNY CREDIT CARD GAME
Sunday buffoonery ends with funny credit card game at played on one
GoEagles guy, who left his wallet in the hall of 18 Liberty St. Saturday night (and
who, to this reporter's knowledge, still has no idea he bought sandwiches for everyone
at The Market Sunday morning...)
Aug 4-6 Weekend
Many big, big events this weekend but before we start, must make a public
service announcement. Please be courteous to our neighbors. No loitering outside the
house like some guests did the other nite.
#1 Toga Nite.
The team takes Shinny shirt night to the next level, donning full Togas
and hitting the Pier, followed by a variety of other spots as the group scatters. Big
ups to Tom Stallings, who wore a "true" Toga and dropped his safety shorts in
the middle of Lower Thames. Said one Toga participant: Shiny shirt night is so Last
Week. Togas are the new trend. Downside: No one housed in Togas (which can be
done...believe me).
Kudos to Rich for bringing down the sheets
#2 GoEagles guy Breaks "The Parent Trap." In
a stunning display from a man who has been nominated for Weak of the Week several times
this summer, The Kid pulls the funny "Emergency at Work" game on his visiting
parents in Boston -- leaving just before dinner Saturday night
to head to "the office." Although a little reluctant to Toga,
The Kid played strong and awoke early to get back to Boston in time for brunch with the
'Rents... Lookin' like the GoEagles guy of old. MacDaddy should take
lessons.
#3 Why Guests Are Bad Award:
Paula Ramko. After telling a friend she was NOT allowed to date one
member of the Liberty St. house Friday night (after said member put in much time
talking/kissing/flirting, etc.) Ramko proceeds to kiss random boy outside the evil
neighbor's compound Saturday night. Let's not forget the 5 sketchy guys she brought home
with her who left at 4am chanting outside the house. Remaining Wilkerson/Ramko crew,
while waiting for Ramko's love interest, forgets beer cans in front of neighbors house,
prompting visit from Newport P.D. on Sunday morning.
On the flipside, Stallings broke the record for most pizzas purchased by
a guest with 6. Only the invitation to late nite to 2 sketchy guys brings this guy down
from guest of the summer.
#4 Good cop/good cop award
Big ups to Newport P.D., who did NOT issue fines on Sunday. Warning to
Liberty St. residents. We are being watched very carefully after this week's events.
Let's make sure to better citizens.
#5 Weak Award Winner----Falaguerra (by a nose)
Funny "Say I'm at Golf Camp but Really in Boston Game": Robb
Falaguerra, second place contestant so far in this Summer's Bill Rugg competition,
claimed to be at Stowe Golf School. However, when answering his cell phone Saturday
revealed he was at Border Cafe in Cambridge Mass. Need we say more...
RunnerUp: MacDaddy who pulled a no-show, no
excuse on Fri nite. All-time Weak Record in the Making: Ladies and gentleman, keep your
eyes on MacDaddy. This kid is on pace to set such a world record in the World's Weakest
Man competition the award may no longer be named after Bill Rugg. Gets 1 Rugg Point.
Would have received two if it wasn't for Rob's pitiful golf school escapade. MacDaddy
steps in with a "no reason" absence on Friday night, followed by exceptionally
weak wedding performance Saturday night.
Weddings
during Newport season = very weak.
Weddings
that involve someone you don't know directly during Newport season = stupendously weak.
After a strong effort via a surprise appearance in an away game last
weak, this kid continues to lead the all-time sally list with preposterous wedding
debacle on Saturday.
Honorable mention: Poirier. This is a 1st
for Poirier. Refuses to wear toga on St nite. "Does not match my shoes."
states Poirier.
#6 Crappy Weekend
Not once but twice. Kara got a little more than sand in her shorts when
she went to the beach. The seagulls weren't too happy with her as they unloaded two
bombs on her on two separate days. At least she was lying out with her mouth closed.
#7 Sully Buys A House
Sully spent all day Sunday looking at open houses in Boston. Not really,
that's just what he planned to do. The big questionhow many people will buy houses
before Sully?
# 8 Twin Mix Up
Question (Sully): "Chrissy, when do you go on vacation?"
Answer: "I'm Kara."
GoEagles guy Impersonation Award Dave Dianna
Ever try to stop a fan with your tongue, cut your nose and explain that
in the office(GoEagles guy, 1997)? Well Dave Dianna had a similar situation.
Dianna got an excellent night sleep Sat night as he woke up Sunday
morning in the hallway of his hotel(wrong floor of course) curled up in a little ball.
He was woken by some rude guests who apparently needed to get into the hotel room he was
blocking. Injuries sustained from a night he doesn't recall too well:
Gash nice gash right eye (apparently from falling on my head at the pier)
Two bloodied toes that will be lose their toe nails very soon.
Excuses used.
To inlaws the day after "I tripped over someone and feel on my head.
I wasn't drinking"
To co-workers on Monday "I must have scraped my face water
skiing"
July 28-30 Weekend
Woodsie and GoEagles guy had a 1 on 1 bowl off Friday night for funnels. They
don't remember who won as it went to extra frames.
The house also has a new visitor who brings an added element of vagaries
to our late night parties. Steve the Drummer from Those Guys. He cleaned the place like
it has never been cleaned.
Weak Awards
Rob gets the MacMommy award for leaving Saturday to go to a pickle patch
B&B with Lauren in Kennebunkport ME. 2 points.
Although he had a work event Sat, Covy gets runner up for never even
making it down. Skipped a late nite voyage to Newport on Sat for drive in movie to watch
Rocky and Bullwinkle. 1 point.
July 14-16 Update
LOSER OF THE WEEKEND
By far, MacDaddy. Lost every Golden Tee match and all shots during the
games. Let's not forget the multiple credit card roulettes plus the loss at
Jamestown Golf Course.
SAILER BOY
One more thing for MacDaddy. MacDaddy lost the bowling for cans
competition and had to wear a shinny shirt matched with a blond wig and a sailor's cap.
He looked ridicules. Sully got so jealous; he stole it from MacDaddy at the end of the
night
WEAKEND BILL RUGG AWARD
Winner: MacDaddy
MacDaddy (AKA MacMommy) made it through Fri night in flying colors but
Sat was not a good day for this award winner. Starting out with debating golf rules,
MacDaddy then tried several times to get out of his can bowling loss by removing his
costume. He topped it off by breaking the record for going home at 10:45pm right when a
downpour began. Almost forgot.he actually made a call to 911 inquiring about alcohol
poisoning.
Runner Up: Falaguerra
Pulls a no show in Newpy blowing off shenanigans for a reservation at the
Capital Grill. Was rumored to have a double date w Bill Rugg.
FELL DOWN AND CAN'T GET UP
Not mentioning any names (Noreen), someone made a face plant on Sat night
and had a tough time getting back up.
CARLTON FISK AWARD
Chris Poirier came up huge in the clutch on Fri night bringing all the
boys to a luxury boat full of booze for a late night party. Heard there were some
additional shenanigans on Sat night that included an even bigger boat with a hot tub.
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
With the Pelham packed on Sat night, several individuals were able to
make their way in secretly. There were also some late night recognizance missions back
at the house.
COMEBACK AWARD
Down 4 holes to 1, the Miller/Kenworthy team won 4 straight holes to win
the golfing match on Sat.
July 7-9 Update
Fri nite was back to old times at the Landing while Sat brought us to
O'Brien's and the Blues Bar.
Bill Rugg Weak Award
Goes to the person who exemplifies the great weakness of Bill Rugg.
MacMommy has received considerable mention this weakend for this award
for missing Newport for wedding. But wasn't the wedding only 1 nite?
RunnerUp - GoEagles guy bailing at 10:30 Saturday night
CrimeStopper Award
Kenworthy and Coveney. These two heros single handedly caught a young
hoodlum walking out of the house with the futon couch. The Punishment: The youngster was
sentenced to go to 7-11 to get a tin of dip. The accused never returned.
Added Value
Big props to Poirier for scoring Landing VIP passes. Also, Miller and Rob
bought cleaning supplies for the house We now have a real broom, a real mop, a fresh
supply of paper towels and commercial-strength sponges, and assorted cleaners for the
kitchen, the wood floors, and the bathrooms.
Drunk of the weekend
Matt Woods, starting at 10 am, quote from Matt to himself as he cracked
his first beer Saturday morning - "I'm getting a late start".
Cash victor of the weekend
Covy cleans up in golf, quarters and cards (although some suspect
cheating)
4 day Weekend of July 4th
A great 4th of July weekend. No set plans yet for upcoming weekend beside
showing up on Fri nite. We'll have to mix things up as Those Guys are out of town.
Here are the highlights.
CONTROVERSY Of the Summer
You lose the snake, you follow the rules. Some major controversy on Sat
revolved around Woodsie's initial refusal to honor the snake punishment he earned during
Saturday's golf game.
GoEagles guy will be sending out a copy of "The GoEagles guy
Rules of Competition Book" There will be a full distribution mailed this week!
Woodsie partially Redeemed himself and saved the snake by adhering to
punishment:
Wore
Girls shirt
Got
Tattoo of "Dad"
Skipped
all day
Weak Award
MacDaddy. A unanimous decision as was named on every ballot. Didn't come
down til Sat and left Mon limping home with his tail between his legs wearing a
Northeastern tee-shirt.
Biggest Credit Card Roulette Loss
MacDaddy at the Mooring for a $250+ lunch. Ouch.
Chick of the Weekend Award
Melissa - - completed 7th funnel by 11:51 on Sunday morning. Drinks
both GoEagles guy and Woods under table after finishing eleven funnels....seven of which
before noon.
"I'm Gonna Screw My Friends" Award
Rob. Throws Chris under the bus by telling girls Poirier is a dick.
New Newport Record
Congratulations. Some members were kicked out of Jimmy's at 2:36 in
the afternoon on Sunday.
Back to Old Times Award
Poirier: Goes to "Landing" twice.
Best Dressed
Hands down to Poirier at the Voice Promotions party on Sunday night. His
jacket is worth more than everyone's collective wardrobe..
June 23-25 Newport WrapUp
Great weekend in Newpy. Fri nite was a blast as Covy lost multiple games
which meant funneling 3 beers in 20 minutes....ouch. Those Guys were their rocking
selves at the Boat.
On Sat, Woodsie made 9 pars golfing after drinking 10 beers. The only way
that happened is if par was 8. Woodsie also ended up losing the snake and had to
wear a funny shirt Sat nite. Was also GoEagles guy's time to lose the 3 beer funnel games.
And believe it or not, Chris Poirier actually made a guest appearance.
Marty also made it down to demonstrate his Golden Tee expertise.
Bonehead Move of the Weekend
Miller taking the snake shirt out of Newport, which prevented Woodsie
from wearing it Sat night.
Weak Moment of the Weakend
Rob leaving for dinner at Olives on Sat night.
Roulette of the Weekend
Martha losing $180 roulette at Obriens
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